You have no idea how difficult it is for me to write. I'm not saying this to garner sympathy or any other emotion, it is what it is. The after-effects of chemo have slowed me down. Sometimes I feel like my IQ has dropped. I have a difficult time staying focused. It's an exhausting, physical effort to read or write anything more than a few sentences. I can no longer spell, my typing skills have diminished, I often miss entire words altogether. My fingers are sensitive (my toes are numb). And I have odd and frequent lapses of memory. This and more defines "chemo brain" for many people.
But I can live with it.
I'm not sure what else I was going to write. I started the above paragraph two weeks ago. I couldn't finish it. I think I was going to write more about recovering from the surgery and from the chemo. I'm doing better physically. I feel like I can do more and I'm in less pain. It's almost normal. I think my brain is better too. I can read more and I get less confused. This just means that things will improve. It's a good sign. I'm getting sharper.
One issue seems to be a general lack of interest or enthusiasm for many of the things that I used to care about. All of a sudden I'm not easily impressed. Things have become less important. Most things. My passion has fizzled, Not that I don't care about stuff, it's just my priorities have changed. I've been told it has something to do with having a near-death experience. I've seen it all, so not much matters. For example I don't care about money, or my station, or careerist things. I like to work and to do creative things, but I like to do them for the sake of doing them... not to get ahead or anything. I understand that this is common, which is why I'm mentioning it.
This is about all I can write at the moment. I figured I'd at least attempt to finish what I started. I hope to write more soon.