This is my story about what it was like to go through Chemotherapy...
Do the Chemo Stomp! on 12seconds.tv
I found out a few weeks after the surgery to remove the upper right lobe of my lung that Chemotherapy was recommended. I had a Stage 1b malignant tumor in my lung. Lung Cancer. It is not known how I got it. I don't know if I'm predisposed to cancer or what other factors I was exposed to that would have encouraged this growth.
After the surgery, the surgeon, as excellent as he is, did not think that I would need to have any other treatment, and seemed surprised when I told him that I was going to see an Oncologist the next day. In some aspects, he was correct. The surgery was successful in removing the tumor and the tests on my lymph nodes determined that the cancer had not yet spread. However there was one thing that was troubling. The tumor breached the pleural space between my lung and chest wall. It was a pretty aggressive tumor. I'm lucky they caught it when they did.
It happened pretty fast at the Oncologist. He took me through my diagnosis and went online to show me what the most recent research said about my condition. It was very simple. I had 65% to 75% 5 year survival rate and a 2002 study showed that patients who were in the same situation as me and had adjunctive chemotherapy increased survival by 3% to 5%. However as the study continued, it looked as though there was no statistically significant gain in survival. It came down to a choice. Do I go through chemo for a possible 5% bump or not. My doctor put it plainly... "If it does come back and you know that you could have possibly done something to prevent it, how would you feel?" If it does come back, that's it, I'm more than likely a goner. It was a no brainer. Do the chemo.
I set up an appointment to with the infusion nurses to go over the procedure and side effects. They pretty much tell you every bad thing that can happen. Nausea, infection, shock, fever, fatigue, severe fatigue, etc. They tell you when to call the nurses and when to go to the emergency room. The main concern is fever. Anything over 101 is cause for alarm and probably warrants a trip to the ER. They also tell you to bring books, magazines, DVDs, your laptop, and any other diversion because you could be sitting there for a while.
I was to have four infusions over 12 weeks. One every three weeks. I guess I was lucky because often times people get a lot more. They said I could have a treatment on a Thursday and be back to work the following Monday. Apparently people have no trouble with this. I was not so lucky. I tried this for a while, but the physical and emotional drain was overwhelming. I could get around between sessions and do most things, but it took twice as long and I needed lots of breaks. Work though, was pretty difficult. I'm not saying that a person going through chemo can't work, I did some things, but for me, I was at nowhere near the performance level I was used to. Granted I had slowed down the past year, probably due to the cancer, but I'm used to shouldering a lot. When I did go to work, I shuffled from meeting to meeting and stared off into space. After the second infusion I broke down a few times and just sobbed at my desk. I had no control over my emotions. But I didn't care, it felt good. My boss was more than understanding and let me take the time I needed. I'm still very grateful.
The worst part was the bone pain. I was given a shot the day after my infusion to boost the production of white blood cells and fight off infection. I think the stuff is called Neulasta. (Gee that sounds good! It's new and it will help me last!). This shit wreaked havoc on my bones. It felt like they were breaking from the inside. Like the worst growing pains. The pain lasted 3 days and even with Vicodin and Oxycontin I was super sore. I guess it doesn't affect everyone like this, but apparently it was better than getting an infection.
My hair started falling out after about 2 weeks. I would pull on it and strands would just fall out in my fingers. It was amazing. I first gave myself a mohawk and then when it looked like there was no turning back, I shaved my head. I recommend shaving your head before your hair falls out on its own. It lets you have some control.
My chemo sessions lasted 6 to 8 hours. I was given a bag of Benadryl then Carboplatin and Paclitaxel. It's a fairly simple and benign process. First you check in and are taken to an infusion room. For me this room was a pleasant, open space with about 8 to 10 leather reclining chairs lined up. Some people were already there by the time I showed up at 10AM. You sit down and the infusion nurse greets you and goes about trying to find a vein. After the second session and with all the blood tests I was getting this was a tricky prospect. I was poked 8 times on my third round because no veins were showing themselves. I imagine that they were needle shy. Once they get a good one, they set it up just like an IV. A bag of whatever it is they are putting inside you is hooked up to a pole with wheels. There is a tube that goes from the bag to a timed regulator. This controls the speed of the drip. Then there's another tube that goes from the regulator to the vein in your arm. After you're all hooked up, you just sit. And sit. You don't feel anything except maybe a bit of a burn from the Benadryl, but that doesn't last. Sometimes blood comes back through the IV and sometimes they have to wash it out with some saline. After all the hours and all the drips, they unhook you, tape you up, slap your bottom, and send you home.
You really don't feel anything right away. The next day is when I got that Neulasta shot, but nothing happens until the day after. This is when the bone pain starts. This is when you don't feel good. I got a sore throat, low fever, and nausea. But for me, the bone pain was the worst.
Then you just feel like you're living at high altitude. You are out of breath and totally fatigued. I remember trying to walk around and having to stop every 5 minutes. I remember losing my balance and falling over then using a cane for a few days. I remember trying to go to my kids' baseball and softball games. I remember looking like a freak. But most of all, I don't remember as much as I should. That's the troubling thing...
I wrote this in my journal while going through the process...
Infusion
They put bags of poison
in my veins
sat in a leather chair
stuck with needles
hard to find a vein
Infused with a syrup
that kills my cells
It makes me feel like
i'm living on a mountain
at 15,000 feet
hard to breathe
what the fuck is going on?
then my hair comes out in my
hand. then i'm bald
and sick.
It hurts so much to cough.
to breathe.
getting out of bed is hard.
But I try to be normal.
And live my life.
Because I feel it,
but I don't.
It's okay,
But it's not
Not until later do you realize
how rough it's been.
My brain has changed
Kizza me
I want to feel...
Let's kill him
so he can live
I've been resurrected!
Chemo is Jesus juice.
Thank you friends!
My next post will be about what has happened to me after Chemo.
Here are some links for reference. These are the sites my Oncologist used:
