I'm tired. I'm still not sure what the hell is going on. I don't know. I'm a cancer survivor? How can I be a cancer survivor already? I went from victim to survivor within two weeks.
I'm lucky? What is luck? I don't feel lucky. I feel scared, confused, angry, guilty, and pain.
Let me tell you something... a person's life doesn't just change in an instant or in a day. You hear/see it all the time in books or movies or worse, "the news". "David's life changed that day." "That was the day everything changed." All of that is bullshit. It takes more than an event or a day or a moment to change a life or a person. This is because change takes time. I may change, but it's not because of a day or an event. I will change because of a process. Change takes time.
Another thing you should know. Just because I've had surgery and have had my lung cancer removed; just because the pathology report says that the cancer hasn't spread, doesn't mean that everything's okay. I may be better physically, but my brain still seems clueless about the situation. I haven't dealt with any of this on an emotional level. This takes time too. Don't rush me.
Cuck Fancer! Cancer is my bitch.
I'm tired. There's a lot more to say or write, but I'm too drained to do much more. Maybe tomorrow.
